Auroras are caused by charged particles, mainly electrons and protons, entering the atmosphere from above causing ionisation and excitation of atmospheric constituents, and consequent optical emissions.
Once he said to Chang: “By the way, how do you people here fit love into your scheme of things? I suppose it does sometimes happen that those who come here develop attachments?”
“Quite often,” replied Chang with a broad smile. “The lamas, of course, are immune, and so are most of us when we reach the riper years, but until then we are as other men, except that I think we can claim to behave more reasonably. And this gives me the opportunity, Mr. Conway, of assuring you that the hospitality of Shangri–La is of a comprehensive kind. Your friend Mr. Barnard has already availed himself of it.”
Conway returned the smile. “Thanks,” he answered dryly. “I’ve no doubt he has, but my own inclinations are not — at the moment — so assertive. It was the emotional more than the physical aspect that I was curious about.”
“You find it easy to separate the two? Is it possible that you are falling in love with Lo–Tsen?”
Conway was somewhat taken aback, though he hoped he did not show it. “What makes you ask that?”
“Because, my dear sir, it would be quite suitable if you were to do so — always, of course, in moderation. Lo–Tsen would not respond with any degree of passion — that is more than you could expect — but the experience would be very delightful, I assure you. And I speak with some authority, for I was in love with her myself when I was much younger.”
“Were you indeed? And did she respond then?”
“Only by the most charming appreciation of the compliment I paid her, and by a friendship which has grown more precious with the years.”
“In other words, she didn’t respond?”
“If you prefer it so.” Chang added, a little sententiously: “It has always been her way to spare her lovers the moment of satiety that goes with all absolute attainment.”
Conway laughed. “That’s all very well in your case, and perhaps mine too — but what about the attitude of a hot-blooded young fellow like Mallinson?”
“My dear sir, it would be the best possible thing that could happen! Not for the first time, I assure you, would Lo–Tsen comfort the sorrowful exile when he learns that there is to be no return.”
“Yes, though you must not misunderstand my use of the term. Lo–Tsen gives no caresses, except such as touch the stricken heart from her very presence. What does your Shakespeare say of Cleopatra? —‘She makes hungry where she most satisfies.’ A popular type, doubtless, among the passion-driven races, but such a woman, I assure you, would be altogether out of place at Shangri–La. Lo–Tsen, if I might amend the quotation, REMOVES hunger where she LEAST satisfies. It is a more delicate and lasting accomplishment.”
Razmišljam kako mi je boravak ovde pobrkao prioritete i vrednosti. Vreme je ubrzalo i briga o drugima se pretvorila u brigu o sebi. Previše ozbiljno uzimam stvari koje nisu bitne, a ljude koji su mi bitni zanemarujem. Ne uspevam reći otvoreno i jasno šta osećam. Toliko sam emocija uvukla u sebe da me želudac boli noću i ne da mi da spavam. Toliko sam u grču da ne mogu da se opustim ni kad zaspim.
Posao mi ne ide jer ga radim iz pogrešnih razloga. Strasti ne znam da li imam. Ne mrzim, ali strasno ne volim, i strasno zavidim.
Ponekad se pitam da li ću usled takve opsednutosti sobom ostati sama. Da li ću moći da se žrtvujem zbog nekoga onako kako su se moji roditelji žrtvovali za mene. Svaki put kad se rastanemo, iscepam se na sitne delove i danima posle krpim.
Muka mi je od kapitalizma, od tranzicije mi se plače.
Filip mi je preksinoć (nakon polučasovne predmenstrualne ulazim-u tridesete-i-ništa-nije-dobro skajp drame) ispričao o devojci koja je imala slične probleme otišla da popriča sa nekim i to joj je pomoglo. Na šta sam ja izjavila da je to tipično za zapadnu kulutru i kako se ne slažem sa odlascima kod psihologa zbog takvih stvari, ispričati se sa jako dobrim prijateljem je dovoljno i još sam nešto rekla, ali se ne sećam tačno šta. Ali sam prećutala da sam manje-više postala ovisna o časovima joge na kojima jedino uspem da se smirim, koncentrišem i platim da me moj zapadnjački učitelj oslobodi stresa izazvanog boravkom na zapadu.
Sinoć smo opet imali seansu od sat i nešto (Filip i ja, na skajpu), ali već sam se osećala mnogo bolje.
Danas mi se javio da je popio ibuprofen i ode da spava jer su noćni razgovori sa mnom, vremenska razlika i rano ustajanje uzrokovali glavobolju.